Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
