Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
