I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
