So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
