i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
