oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
