it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
