We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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