I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
