And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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