I will die if light touches me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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