i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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