Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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