If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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