apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
