I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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