I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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