You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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