Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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