nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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