whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
