somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
