I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize