Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize