she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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