Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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