I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
