I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
