Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
