Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize