I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
