That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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