I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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