I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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