onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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