Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
