I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
