Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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