I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
