I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
