he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
