Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
