At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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