Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
