The maid of honor just puked.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
