Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
