we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
