Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
