I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
