i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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