Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
