Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He did a backflip because drugs
So here I am, sexting at work.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
