no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
