when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize