is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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