is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
