The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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