Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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