Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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