After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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