Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i don't like sucking hair
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
