I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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