I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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