I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
