I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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