I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
