When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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