i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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