My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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