well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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