He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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